For all of my “adult life” up to this point was just that...MY. I was in control, I was running MY life, I made things happen for MYself, “I’m kinda a big deal” to quote Anchorman: The Legend of Rob Burgundy. But no matter what I did, things never ended up the way I wanted them too. Frustration does not even begin to describe the ire welling up inside me. My life had become a shameful disgrace of what my potential was, especially held up to what I wanted to accomplish. The more I tried to be something I wasn’t the more I reeked of effort and positioning. I had no idea who I was, what my personality was like, how I should interact with certain people; A facade in the truest of senses. Confidence was something I knew I needed, but seemed just out of reach. I sought for ultimate control, a determined future, an understanding of my past, and a content presence. I was scared, tired, and for the most part alone.
The solution? A complete and utter lack of control.
The death of self-ambition followed by the beautiful genesis of selflessness. My life isn’t my own, I am not living for myself; I am God’s and He is my everything. What next? and when? only patience will tell. “Not my will but Thine” has a new and revolutionary meaning. “Letting go gives a better grip” as written by David Crowder describes this airing experience as near as I have come across. I cannot truly express the freedom I feel; my soul is light yet my heart is full. All of this has brought me to the realization that we were created in his image, gifted as intelligent and discerning creatures having the ability to make choices, but ultimately designed to come back, choosing to sacrifice that cursed gift and live under the control of the creator. No longer in need of confidence, or accomplishment, it’s a work in progress and trust. This is faith, this is truth, this is love, this is life as God intended.
If my God is with me
Than who shall I fear?
I am bigger than my body....through Christ’s control.
Jh
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